On Dec. 29th Dr. Phil produced a show about disciplining and parenting. The things that he said were important enough to repeat for parents who follow my blog.
1. Parent with a Purpose.
What do you want for your children when they grow up? Do you want them to be successful and responsible?
2. Parent with Clarity.
Know how you are going to parent so that you will be able to raise your children with the purpose in mind.
3. Parent by Negotiation.
Use a Level System, or a chart or a contract.
4. Prent with Currency.
Catch them doing something right and something good and reward them with the "currency" that they want. Give them the ability to earn and control their own lifestyle (within your boundaries). If I do "A" I will get "B".
5. Parent through Change.
Have fun, laugh, do things with your children that are fun and unique and safe.
6. Parent in Harmony.
Make sure that both parents are working together. Have a plan that both parents can agree upon and stay with it.
7. Parent by Example.
Children will watch what you do and emulate that. Make sure that you are being the example that you want your child to emulate when they grow up.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
Think Time
Think Time is a way for the child to gain control of themselves before they escalate the behavior in something that will be a problem for themselves and others.
I use the “Three Strikes and you’re out rule.” If the child has more than 3 non-appropriate behaviors during a ½ hour period they will be sent to Think Time.
We as Parents will begin to be distracted, irritated, and upset if you let them go beyond three per ½ hour.
The child will be sent to Think Time, an area where no attention may be accessed, usually a chair, stool or rug, that is located away from other people, when they are having difficulties behaviorally.
Tell the child to go to the Think Time area. If they will not comply, you must place the child on the chair, stool or rug and walk away, do not talk to them. Remember the coercion cycle? If the child gets up continue to place them in the Think Time area and walk away, no interacting. This may be the MOST difficult part of the procedure. If you are consistent, it will pay off BIG!! (Have you ever seen Super Nanny?)
DON’T Forget that you have placed your child in Think Time, set a timer to remind you.. The time should be one minute per year of age, 1 year = 1 minute, 5 years = 5 minutes, 8 years = 8 minutes…
The child should be required to calm down and then complete the answers on the Behavior Improvement form. If the child is young they may simply answer the questions before they are allowed to leave the Think Time area. If the child screams or has a bad attitude, about answering the questions, walk away and say. “I’ll be back.” DON”T START THE COERSION CYCLE AGAIN!!!! You can set the timer again. Go back and ask the questions after the child has calmed down.
If the child escalates again and gets out of the Think Time area, place the child in the Think Time area again, with no further comment.
Think Time Questions/Form/Contract
What was your behavior? (What did you do?)
What did you want? (Why did you do the behavior?)
Did you get what you wanted? (Do you feel that you got what you wanted from the behavior?)
What should you have done instead of what you did?
Name 4 other things that you could have done instead that would be appropriate.
What are you required to do next? (When you go back to the same situation what will you do that is appropriate?)
Will you be able to do that appropriately?
Child Signature: _____________________________________________________________________________________
Parent Signature: ____________________________________________________________________________________
I use the “Three Strikes and you’re out rule.” If the child has more than 3 non-appropriate behaviors during a ½ hour period they will be sent to Think Time.
We as Parents will begin to be distracted, irritated, and upset if you let them go beyond three per ½ hour.
The child will be sent to Think Time, an area where no attention may be accessed, usually a chair, stool or rug, that is located away from other people, when they are having difficulties behaviorally.
Tell the child to go to the Think Time area. If they will not comply, you must place the child on the chair, stool or rug and walk away, do not talk to them. Remember the coercion cycle? If the child gets up continue to place them in the Think Time area and walk away, no interacting. This may be the MOST difficult part of the procedure. If you are consistent, it will pay off BIG!! (Have you ever seen Super Nanny?)
DON’T Forget that you have placed your child in Think Time, set a timer to remind you.. The time should be one minute per year of age, 1 year = 1 minute, 5 years = 5 minutes, 8 years = 8 minutes…
The child should be required to calm down and then complete the answers on the Behavior Improvement form. If the child is young they may simply answer the questions before they are allowed to leave the Think Time area. If the child screams or has a bad attitude, about answering the questions, walk away and say. “I’ll be back.” DON”T START THE COERSION CYCLE AGAIN!!!! You can set the timer again. Go back and ask the questions after the child has calmed down.
If the child escalates again and gets out of the Think Time area, place the child in the Think Time area again, with no further comment.
Think Time Questions/Form/Contract
What was your behavior? (What did you do?)
What did you want? (Why did you do the behavior?)
Did you get what you wanted? (Do you feel that you got what you wanted from the behavior?)
What should you have done instead of what you did?
Name 4 other things that you could have done instead that would be appropriate.
What are you required to do next? (When you go back to the same situation what will you do that is appropriate?)
Will you be able to do that appropriately?
Child Signature: _____________________________________________________________________________________
Parent Signature: ____________________________________________________________________________________
Precision Commands
Directions given in statement form (NOT question).
Give the direction 2 times ONLY.
Start with the child’s name.
Give a verbal cue that a consequence is coming.
Wait at 5 to 10 seconds.
Have pre-planned Consequences.(Like Think Time)
1. Say in a calm low tone, “(Child’s Name), Direction Please.” or, “(Child’s Name), Please Direction.”
WAIT 5 to 10 seconds (This step is MOST Important, WAIT, don’t get into the Coercion Cycle, don’t talk to them.)
If child complies, REINFORCE
If child does not comply, go to step 2.
2. 1. Say in a calm low tone, “(Child’s Name), you need to Direction ”.
WAIT 5 to 10 seconds (Remember, this step is MOST Important, WAIT, don’t get into the Coercion Cycle, don’t talk to them.)
If child complies, REINFORCE
If child does not comply, go to step 3.
3. Pre-Planned behavior (see consequence chart and Think Time)– Say, “That’s not following directions.”
Label the consequence – “That’s ________.”
Give the direction 2 times ONLY.
Start with the child’s name.
Give a verbal cue that a consequence is coming.
Wait at 5 to 10 seconds.
Have pre-planned Consequences.(Like Think Time)
1. Say in a calm low tone, “(Child’s Name), Direction Please.” or, “(Child’s Name), Please Direction.”
WAIT 5 to 10 seconds (This step is MOST Important, WAIT, don’t get into the Coercion Cycle, don’t talk to them.)
If child complies, REINFORCE
If child does not comply, go to step 2.
2. 1. Say in a calm low tone, “(Child’s Name), you need to Direction ”.
WAIT 5 to 10 seconds (Remember, this step is MOST Important, WAIT, don’t get into the Coercion Cycle, don’t talk to them.)
If child complies, REINFORCE
If child does not comply, go to step 3.
3. Pre-Planned behavior (see consequence chart and Think Time)– Say, “That’s not following directions.”
Label the consequence – “That’s ________.”
The Coersion Cycle or How we make kids worse over time.
1. Adult Requests the child to do something in Question Form.
…Child ignores the adult.
2. The Adult uses Verbal Prompts.
…Child will delay and ignore.
3. The adult will resort to small threats and warnings.
…The Child will begin to argue with the adult.
4. The adult will then make larger and larger threats, along with getting louder and louder.
…The child will begin the tantrum along with the arguing and even begin being aggressive.
5. The adult will then withdraw the original request, change the request. Some parents just walk away with a sigh of defeat.
…The child just got what they wanted in the first place, so the tantrum, aggression, and arguing stop.
…Child ignores the adult.
2. The Adult uses Verbal Prompts.
…Child will delay and ignore.
3. The adult will resort to small threats and warnings.
…The Child will begin to argue with the adult.
4. The adult will then make larger and larger threats, along with getting louder and louder.
…The child will begin the tantrum along with the arguing and even begin being aggressive.
5. The adult will then withdraw the original request, change the request. Some parents just walk away with a sigh of defeat.
…The child just got what they wanted in the first place, so the tantrum, aggression, and arguing stop.
We are Free...
We are FREE to make choices,
BUT
We are NOT FREE from the consequences of the choices that we make.
or in Dr. Phil's words, "Your Consequence, Your Choice."
BUT
We are NOT FREE from the consequences of the choices that we make.
or in Dr. Phil's words, "Your Consequence, Your Choice."
Parenting Strategies and the Level System
Parenting Strategies and the Level System
"10 instructions, from kids"
1- Don't spoil me. I know quite well that I should not have all that I ask for.
2- Don't be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it; it makes me feel more secure.
3- Don't let me form bad habits. I have to rely on you to detect them in the early stages.
4- Don't correct me in front of people if you can help it. I'll take much more notice if you talk to me quietly in private.
5- Don't protect me from consequences. I need to learn the painful way sometimes.
6- Don't be too upset when I say "I hate you." It isn't you I hate.
7- Don't take too much notice of my small ailments. Sometimes they get me the attention I need.
8- Don't nag. If you do, I'll protect myself by not listening.
9- Don't make rash promises. Remember that I feel badly let down when promises are broken.
10- Don't be inconsistent. That completely confuses me and makes me lose faith in you.
"10 instructions, from kids"
1- Don't spoil me. I know quite well that I should not have all that I ask for.
2- Don't be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it; it makes me feel more secure.
3- Don't let me form bad habits. I have to rely on you to detect them in the early stages.
4- Don't correct me in front of people if you can help it. I'll take much more notice if you talk to me quietly in private.
5- Don't protect me from consequences. I need to learn the painful way sometimes.
6- Don't be too upset when I say "I hate you." It isn't you I hate.
7- Don't take too much notice of my small ailments. Sometimes they get me the attention I need.
8- Don't nag. If you do, I'll protect myself by not listening.
9- Don't make rash promises. Remember that I feel badly let down when promises are broken.
10- Don't be inconsistent. That completely confuses me and makes me lose faith in you.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Level System
The Level System was started with my own children while they were growing up. Some of my children still use pieces of the original system with their own children.
One of my children's childhood friends reciently contacted me and told me that they remembered my Level System and wanted to use it for her children. She said that she remembered wanting to be in my family when she was growing up, because my children had boundaries and they all knew what their responsibilities were. She wanted that for her children.
After I became a teacher, I began using the Level System in my classroom with some changes that would accommodate my students.
My favorite quote is:
We are Free to make choices, BUT we are NOT Free from the Consequences of the Choices that we make.
The Level System works with the principles that everyone has responsibilities, and with those responsibilities comes the priveleges.
There is a copy of my classroom Level System on my school web page:
http://www.davis.k12.ut.us/staff/wthorson/
On this same web page is the Think Time information.
This information pertains to my classroom, however it has many of the strategies that are useful to parents in a home situation.
You can also access a PDF of my Classroom Disclosure by clicking on Disclosure, scrolling to the bottom of the page and clicking on the PDF Document link. At the end of the document is the Level System for Parents. This is the very same Level System that I used in my own home with my own children.
I know that this is a difficult way to understand the techniques used in The Level System. I will be Blogging on more of the details of the system and answering questions.
I hope to make this information accessable to parents who want to help their families become successful and happy.
One of my children's childhood friends reciently contacted me and told me that they remembered my Level System and wanted to use it for her children. She said that she remembered wanting to be in my family when she was growing up, because my children had boundaries and they all knew what their responsibilities were. She wanted that for her children.
After I became a teacher, I began using the Level System in my classroom with some changes that would accommodate my students.
My favorite quote is:
We are Free to make choices, BUT we are NOT Free from the Consequences of the Choices that we make.
The Level System works with the principles that everyone has responsibilities, and with those responsibilities comes the priveleges.
There is a copy of my classroom Level System on my school web page:
http://www.davis.k12.ut.us/staff/wthorson/
On this same web page is the Think Time information.
This information pertains to my classroom, however it has many of the strategies that are useful to parents in a home situation.
You can also access a PDF of my Classroom Disclosure by clicking on Disclosure, scrolling to the bottom of the page and clicking on the PDF Document link. At the end of the document is the Level System for Parents. This is the very same Level System that I used in my own home with my own children.
I know that this is a difficult way to understand the techniques used in The Level System. I will be Blogging on more of the details of the system and answering questions.
I hope to make this information accessable to parents who want to help their families become successful and happy.
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